Michaela lacerates NoelEdit
Michaela: "That oughta kill him!"
[Noel is watching Yogi Bear on TV with his Woody Woodpecker plush toy in the room when he sees Michaela]
Noel: "Yes, Michaela?"
Michaela: "It's time for you to die!"
Noel: (nervously) "I don't want to die."
[Michaela lunges at Noel with a kitchen knife, but Noel runs away with his sister chasing him]
Noel: "Mummy, help me!"
[Noel dashes into his bedroom and crawls under his bed to hide]
[Michaela finds him, and pulls him out from under the bed]
Noel: "Let me go! Stop it, please!"
[Michaela stabs Noel with the knife in the left leg]
Noel: (wailing) "MUMMY!!!!"
Tabitha: "Oh my god! Noel, what happened to your leg?"
Noel: "Michaela did this to me!"
[Tabitha's anger explodes at Michaela]
Tabitha: "MICHAELA DAGMAR BRITIANA! YOU ARE GROUNDED FOR 1 WHOLE YEAR!"
[We see a Woody Woodpecker plush covered in Noel's blood]
[Michaela moves the knife to the right leg]
Noel: (wailing in pain) "MUMMY!"
Tabitha: "CONRAD, CALL AN AMBULANCE!"
[Conrad picks up his iPhone and dials the number "911"]
911 Dispatcher: "Hello?"
Conrad: "Excuse me, my son Noel has a knife stabbed through his left leg. He is wailing because he was badly injured."
911 Dispatcher: "OK, we will summon an ambulance shortly. Thanks."
Michaela: "Off with your head!"
Tabitha: "What are you doing?"
[Michaela cuts Tabitha's head off]
[Tabitha is dead]
Kathryn: "Mom! Have you seen my--oh my god...Dad!"
Conrad: "What is it? Oh my god... why is Tabitha's head off?"
Kathryn: "Michaela did this to her."
Conrad: "Michaela, why would you do such a thing? You are grounded for 3 months!"
Michaela: (scoffs) "SHE'S A MEAN GIRL!"
[Conrad's anger explodes at Michaela]
Conrad: "MICHAELA DAGMAR BRITIANA! GO TO YOUR ROOM!"
Michaela: "If you dare snitch me to the police, I'll kill you, too! And the whole family!"
Priest: "My friends, we are gathered here today to bid farewell to Tabitha Wilhemina Britiana. She was the kind of woman who..."
[Michaela takes a dump on the casket]
[Michaela dances around the casket naked]
Conrad: "MICHAELA DAGMAR BRITIANA!"
Tabitha's sister: "MY LORD!"
[Tabitha's sister faints on Tabitha's mother's arms]
[Michaela steals the valuable vases and throws them at Tabitha's twin sister]
Tabitha's twin sister: "Oh, my lord!"
Michaela: "Drop dead, (bleep)!"
Tabitha's mother: "My word..."
Kathryn: "Michaela, you put your clothes back on!"
Michaela: "SHUT UP!!!"
Conrad: "Michaela, my god! This is so embarrassing!"
Michaela: "SHUT UP SMELLY!!!!!"
Tabitha's twin sister: "Oh, my word!"
[Michaela changes the music to a P!nk song with questionable lyrics]
Tabitha's twin sister: "Mother, do something!"
Tabitha's mother: "I wish I could do something, Judith, but..."
Conrad: "Michaela, I have never been so embarrased in my life! We held a funeral for your mother because of you! Your behavior at the funeral was very embarrasing and abysmal! I am never taking you to another funeral, ever! Stay in your room for the rest of the evening! You are grounded for 6 months!"
Michaela: "(bleep) YOU!"
Conrad: "If you talk back to me, I will double your grounding time to a month."
Michaela: "I'm already grounded for 6 months you moron."
Conrad: "My bad. If you talk back to me, I will double your grounding time to a year."
Michaela: "Well, mom is a mean girl and Noel is annoying!"
Conrad: "Just because you think Noel is annoying and that your mother was mean, doesn't mean you can lacerate Noel or behead your mother!"